I will forever be grateful to Orly, our marriage therapist, who introduced me to one of the most important lessons of life:
We are responsible for our own feelings.
Before our first session with Orly, I believed that other people, things and events had the ability to make me feel something.
For instance, I am down on a rainy day because it’s raining; I am anxious before a talk because there are lots of people watching; I feel unseen because my husband ignores my questions.
“Nobody can make you feel anything,” Orly started our very first counseling session.
“Jim can’t make you feel good or bad, loved or unloved, sad or happy,” she continued.
“You get to decide how you feel,” Orly delivered the permission I needed to hear.
Little did I know that our time with Orly was the beginning of a journey into health, life, and self coaching. The missing piece that I didn’t get from Orly was the difference between thinking and feeling.
Most of the time, thoughts occur before feelings.
“You get to decide how you feel” actually means you get to decide how you think about something. You get to interpret the situation in a way that makes sense to you. You get to make up your own stories.
For instance, if it’s raining, what do you want to think about it?
You can think:
Rain is rain. We don’t have control over when it rains. But we have control over how we want to think about the rain, which will determine the feeling we have about the rain.
We could be happy, sad, excited, depressed, grateful, frustrated, neutral… about the fact that it’s raining. It is entirely up to how we decide to think about the rain!
We are responsible for our own stories which means we get to be in control of our feelings.
I don’t know about you, but my husband and I happen to have wonderful thoughts and feelings about anchovies.
It was one of the first things that solidified our love for each other, for food, for sharing a dish we love with…yes, anchovies!
Ready to move forward in your health and wellness journey? Contact me today! I look forward to hearing from you.